The world seems a very nasty place just at the moment. The people who suffer most are those in countries at war, Iran, Gaza and Ukraine., though the world’s worst humanitarian crisis disaster is actually Sudan, with 33.7 million people needing humanitarian aid right now. There is so much suffering. For the rest of us life goes on, with some economic hardship, and mental anguish for those who are starving and being killed. There is one group, however, that is suffering more than other groups – young women. Young men suffer too, but misogyny is on the up, as I have written about before.

One particular way in which young woman suffer follows on from the rise in misogyny in men, who follow the “manosphere”and people like Andrew Tate. Some of the ways that such men have actioned and developed their skills against women have now been codified and are now known as “coercion control”.

Such behaviour by a small minority of men was common when I was a young doctor. Women were subjected to regular domestic abuse by husbands who drank, or had a bad temper., and we saw a lot of that, especially in A&E. But I came across a more subtle version even as a medical student. The case I remember involved an old family friend, a wealthy woman in her eighties with whom my brother and I sometimes stayed during school holidays, She subsequently developed a severe balance problem and arranged a private appointment with a specialist in the medical school where I was training, and asked me to accompany her to the appointment. I did so, but unfortunately it appeared there was really nothing he could do. We kept in touch as she became more and more disabled, but then I found that she wasn’t answering my letters and telephone calls. When I next tried to visit her there was again no answer, and I was told by old friends of hers that no-one was able to contact her. A fairly distant member of her family, a man in his fifties had come to stay with her, and gradually cut her off from all her friends. It was said that he had decided to come to look after her, in return for a slice (?) of her inheritance. There was much commotion and worry from her friends and neighbours, but nothing could be done as she had apparently given her consent. She died a few months later, but the funeral was held elsewhere and we never knew whether she was being looked after properly and whether she had agreed that her friends could not contact her.

Subsequently I saw many other examples in my practice. I saw obvious abuse of young women by their partners, and I tried to persuade them to leave, rather give pills and potions. But they never seemed able to and i wondered why that was. Sometimes these women, often vulnerable with no job and often with children, just could never leave because of economic factors, and at that time the police were not interested at all. But others seemed to be too frightened to leave because the consequences were worse, with the man following them, making threats to them and their children and making theories lives intolerable. Police intervention with restrictions on contact often didn’t seem to work.


Control of one person by another was common, as some people, male and female, like the power over other people if they can get it. It was part of “life’s rich tapestry” it seemed. I also saw a family over a long period of time where it was the woman who was doing the coercion. She was a big woman in her fifties when they joined the practice, with her diminutive but hardworking husband, and their two children, now their thirties. The son, a big man, was a builder; never had a girlfriend, nor went out much but was not unhappy with his life. But the daughter was kept at home, was very quiet and was being treated for schizophrenia. She was diagnosed after her fiancé left her, and that was put down (by local gossip,) to the mother who would not tolerate her daughter having a life of her own, Subsequently, her husband was not allowed to go to the doctor when he had severe headaches but when he did present was found to have a bleed on the brain following a fall months before, The mother continued to rule with a rod of iron until the husband died. I concluded that coercion is part of humankind which have been with us for millennia. In those days coercion was not illegal and not much was done to prevent it ruining lives.

And these were very mild forms pf coercion compared with the ones that reach the media, nowadays, where women are harmed and sometimes either killed, or even commit suicide, because of coercive control. Such behaviour is now illegal, and more and more court cases are being won by women who have suffered from it. I thought at first that it had stemmed from the methods used by cults to entice usually young and impressionable people into following their leaders, but apparently it predates that by a long time. It may have been part of our ancestors’ family behaviour which included very strict rules of child rearing, and may have been necessary for safety and to ensure survival. In the case of the daughter who developed schizophrenia, she was never allowed to have an opinion; she was frequently chastised, and her one attempt to break out with a man friend was brutally stopped by her mother. Schizophrenia usually develops because of an inherited susceptibility involving many genes, but develops in its full form as a result of environmental factors, one of which is overprotection in childhood, and lack of experience of having agency over one’s own life . Both associated with worsening psychotic symptoms and lack of recovery. (1)

In the past it has been common in societies to enshrine coercive control in legal structures. So women’s legal rights were subsumed under their husband’s, granting men total mastery over their wives and children. Strict dominating behaviour was thought to be proper parenting, to bend a child’s will, which would now be thought of abusive control.

Psychological techniques were later developed to enable coercive control, for instance to manipulate prisoners of war in China in the fifties. (2) Such tactics were refined into an art in cults, usually pseudo-religious organizations which needed to pressgang vulnerable people into joining, in order to give power and riches to their leaders.

Needless to say, coercive control is often a feature of domestic abuse. Feminist research in the 1970’s (3) analysed such behaviour and showed that it was often a sustained, gendered pattern of behaviour designed to entrap victims, rather than isolated events such as loss of temper or alcohol use. (3) It allowed the perpetrators to dominate, isolate, and strip victims of their autonomy.” This is now the definition of coercive control, which unfortunately the digital age has allowed to spread like wildfire, so that many more controlling men can read about the specific methods to use to get their way over women who are unsuspecting of the ultimate goal and may not even realise it is happening.

The methods used may involve the following.
“Initially love-bombing and charm may occur to get the victim into the relationship. Gaslighting, isolation, economic control and financial abuse and rules and regulations are gradually introduced over time, once the victim is emotionally invested, as well as a consequence if they are broken. The rules apply to the victim rather the perpetrator, creating a double standard and the victim fears the consequence if she breaks a rule” it is therefore a form of brainwashing, and it can happen to anyone, not just vulnerable women with few resources. They use social engineering, data collection, threats and charm, and disrespect.”

Some research has been done on why some people want to control others. It is said that such a person is himself anxious and worried about how he can cope, and may have had some trauma himself early in life. Such people learn that controlling other people makes them feel better about themselves. and their fear of uncertainty is lessened. In times past, they probably weren’t very good at it, and became more and more angry and sometimes depressed. Sometimes they just do hate women, and there may also be a racial basis as well, such as the man who targeted a woman because he thought she was a Muslim. In fact she was Sikh, but he tortured her and raped her all the same. They are just horrible men and it is good that they are now getting long jail sentences. Often such men target women because it appeals to their self image as a powerful man, and there has been little chance of them being found out and punished. This is changing, however.


Now, with the advent of the internet, they can look up ways of controlling their victims and use more and more sophisticated methods of control, by remote monitoring, GPS retracing without their knowledge, and taking control over their finances. All these can be used to isolate people, make them doubt their own abilities, and prevent them living a normal life. Technology companies can be slow to remove dangerous algorithms and the UK government has passed Online Safety Act 2023 to hold them to account, but the companies make large profits from advertising when so many people visit these websites nd they tend to fight more regulation all the way.

I think it is important to realise that this is now widespread, and any one can be affected. Women who are successful in public life and are self confident and experienced in relationships can get sucked in. It is almost life destroying having to go to court to get the offender prosecuted in the full glare of publicity. Even when the perpetrator goes to jail for a long time, women still worry about what will happen when they come out. There is still an awful lot of work to do with police needing more training and resources to tackle it

So what can individual women, of all ages, do? Watch out for the charmer. He can insinuate himself into your life, but then seek to control you. It is not normal for any man to try to stop you seeing your friends and family. Sometimes, especially in America, such men want their women to be “trad” wives, and some women don’t mind that. But every woman is an individual who is entitled to her own life and to have control over financial affairs. Charming men should also be honest, and not turn on the charm with women, and then turn nasty, to their detriment. If you have your own resources and money, watch it very carefully. Look out for your friends, especially those, young or old, who seem over-keen to get into relationships quickly. Watch out for those with disabilities or mental difficulties. Menfolk can help too, obviously.

Nowadays it must be so hard for women who merely want to find a good partner, for life, if possible, and it is no wonder women are marrying so much later, and delaying having children or not having them at all, although there are many economic reasons for that as well.

There is now a widening of the gap in social, political, and economic attitudes between men and women, a trend that is becoming increasingly pronounced among younger generations. It certainly doesn’t help humanity as a whole, and undoubtedly will lead to more unstable societies, and violence and war. Let’s hope pressure can be put on social media, governments and all religions to make sure men and women are treated equally by society and that they can treat each other fairly, lovingly. and with respect.

references

(1) environmental markers in Schizophrenia https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7561083/

(2) Albert Biderman in his 1957 study of Chinese military torture.

(3) Relinquishing control in focus groups: The use of activities in feminist research with young people to improve moderator performance

R Walters – Qualitative Research, 2020 – journals.sagepub.com